I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
