the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
