new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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