Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
