I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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