oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
