He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
