If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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