You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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