i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
