I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
