failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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