she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
