it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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