we're blogging at a bar
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
