Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize