Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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