Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
