honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
