Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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