So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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