can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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