I met the friendliest cop last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
