She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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