either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
