covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
