every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
