I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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