hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
