If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
