This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
