mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
