Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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