my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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