I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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