Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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