Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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