Are we in a gay sports bar?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
