please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
