my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
