you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
