He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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