And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
