I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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