just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
