I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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