I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
