her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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