My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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