I am in a vortex of obligation.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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