Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
