Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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