She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
