Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
