my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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