Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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