my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
