I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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