haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Operation Purity has been aborted
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
