You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
