forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is the high leading the old right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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