The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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