There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
