and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
