He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
