This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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