What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
