I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
