she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
