Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
